Important Disclaimer: I love teachers. I do. I have the deepest admiration for what they do, and firmly believe they are wonderful people who do a difficult job extremely well. I have the utmost respect for them and always do whatever I can to support them, including penning letters to the education department and MPs. I am consistently appalled at the stories they tell me of the way some parents behave towards them. I don't, however, believe that a teaching degree affords them absolute authority over all children everywhere. And until yesterday, I didn't think they thought so either.
An open letter to the woman in the McDonald's playground, just so I can have my say, get it off my chest and get on with the mammoth task of pulling myself together again.
Dear, sorry, I don't know your name,Poor salutation, I know, but kind of my point. I don't know you and you don't know me. Ergo, you don't know my son. However, I do know that you are a teacher. I know this because you told me, in the same way a police officer might flash their badge in order to prove their authority in a situation.
The fact that you are a school teacher indeed makes you a far better school teacher than me. A million trillion times better, in fact. No argument. It does not, however, automatically make you a better parent. The fact that I was actually sitting outside in the McDonald's playground, feeling faint from the heat and sweating buckets, while you enjoyed a latte and adult conversation in air conditioned comfort without even so much as casting a glance in the direction of the playground kind of makes me inclined to feel just a wee bit superior on that point. (Unkind I know, but, hey, I'm being brutally honest here).
I do get your point about the fact that parents these days often fail to adequately supervise their children. I agree with you and empathise, however I suspect that the irony of you being one of those parents is pretty much lost. Where we diverge is on the subject of whether or not any random adult has the right to discipline any random child. Except for taking action in a critical situation where there is a real and immediate risk of harm, I would argue that they do not. Perhaps you would too, but with an obvious exception of teachers.
In any event, that was not the case in our little "situation". I was directly supervising my child. I watched while your children pushed him, hit him, blocked him at every turn and generally behaved in the same nasty fashion of small children let loose in a playground (mine included) across the globe. I observed the situation but did not intervene, allowing my child to try to work out a solution to the problem. Not surprisingly, Small L reached a point where he was unable to bear it any longer and he pushed one of your girls. I immediately jumped up and went to him, explained that it was wrong to push, acknowledged his protest that your girls had started it but reinforced that being rough was unacceptable. I then outlined some better options, like walking away, explaining he didn't like being hit and pushed or offering to play a nice game with the girls. Dealt with. Over. Sorted. And without me saying one word to your kids.
Imagine my surprise when you flew through the doors some minutes later (with your smirking princesses in tow) and proceeded to berate and humiliate my child in front of the entire playground. At this point I stepped forward and claimed parentage. Kind of would have been a good time for you to stop, apologise and listen to what actually happened (you didn't need to take my word for it, there were other adult witnesses there). Instead, you briefly turned to me and stated "I'm a teacher" then turned back and continued chastising my child. What the?? I'm a very experienced health professional. Did I march in and start abusing you for letting your kids eat the pure crap that we all know a Happy meal is? Would that be OK?
I had to ask you to stop three (yes 3) times!! You finally stopped and listened and argued about your rights in the matter. You then asked your children if they had been hitting and pushing. They looked at the floor, shuffled their feet and said "no". I must admit I was a little surprised that you, as a teacher, missed the subtle neurolinguistics of this. Even more surprised when you turned to me and stated "my children never lie". Um, they pretty much all do. It doesn't make us bad parents, it just is what it is. What makes us bad parents is when we refuse to acknowledge it and deal with it - but who would do that? (insert smiley face here).
I'm also a little confused at your advice that children should be taught to be compliant with adults, regardless of who the adults are. You looked a little younger than me so you might not remember the infamous Queensland case where an adult asked a child to get into their car and help them look for their lost dog. It did not end well. In fact the case was so horrific that it slammed home to me and many others that teaching children to automatically obey adults is not a super idea. Helping them to identify authority figures (e.g. parents, the teachers at their school, adults trusted by their parents) is a better one (but I grant you- not without risk).
I'm also gobsmacked at your ?husband/ ?male friend / whoever, who entered the playground after I had spoken to you and without having heard one word of the conversation stated "come on kids, we don't have to listen to bad language". Ummmmmmm, what bad language? Is he insane? Or was he just trying to save face given that you had made a monumental mistake on all sorts of levels? I was a little heartened by another parent in the playground saying "Ah, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I can see where the kids get their lying habit from". I also kind of liked that everyone then laughed at you all. I didn't laugh though. Instead, I took my kids to the car, discovered my battery was flat, and sobbed uncontrollably in the front seat (in full view of an obviously bemused middle aged man and his Jack Russell on a leash) while I waited for a mechanic. The mechanic was kind though (in a sort of "whoa-I'm-dealing-with-a-whole-can-of crazy-here" way).
To be fair you weren't to know that I'm just a person who is having a hard time trying to keep it all together at the moment. But I am, and I really didn't need you to march in and ruin the treat I had planned for my kids.
In any case, I feel better now that I have got it all off my chest and I'd like to think I have forgiven you. No hard feelings and all that. Who knows, maybe next time you might not be so quick to jump in without knowing the facts. Maybe if you held back your kids could learn some social skills and a sensitive little boy (who saw his beloved Gramps nearly die last week) might not cry himself to sleep after what should have been a happy trip to McDonalds.
SincerelyJanet.
